Although I don’t feel as predatory as that. But, let’s just say, it’s a bit of a jungle, this online dating world I’ve entered. Some days I feel more up for it than others. I’ve been enjoying the benefits of communicating superficially with guys via text messages but, then there’s a kind of mental block to confront. The mental block of “do I really find him worth leaving my house for in order to go out and physically meet him?”
There lies the real question. What am I playing at exactly? Am I serious about this? Finding a good guy to spend time with? Or am I just using this as yet another ethnographic research experiment to write and talk about?
I feel like I should confront this ambivalence in me, in order not to leave some poor dude or two astray.
It’s like I’ve done a 180 degree turnaround. Gone is the fantasy-filled, romantic. In her place is this hard, pragmatic woman who just feels like she’s not getting any younger and has no time to waste on schmucks.
But it feels strange to function like that, so grounded, so pragmatic, practical, common-sensical. Of course I’m still hoping to be swept off my feet a little…
Yet I’ve gone from being swept up to landing hard on my bum one too many times. I’ve got a lot of suspicion now. The healthy kind and the exaggerated kind.
One good thing is that this site is giving me a much needed crash course in the workings of the male mind. All that fantasy I projected onto various unsuspecting members of that species, I see now just how foolish I was. They are really much simpler creatures than the mythical beings I tried to turn them into.
Well thank the big G I finally got that part. Looks like less trouble ahead ….
